2/17/2019

Okay, my toughness (however little of it there is) started really waning this week! I was SO tired of feeling sicky and exhausted, and was reminded in strong ways of why I did NOT want to be pregnant.  As dishes and laundry (& snow!) piled up around my exhausted outlook, I was really feeling overwhelmed and discouraged.  I wanted to make Lucy's birthday & Valentine's Day fun and special, and enjoy taking the youth to the temple (in a blizzard), but after taking care of those events, I found myself wasting most of the next day on the computer--looking at cribs, strollers, etc. for way too long.  THEN, Diana--my seriously sent personally from Heaven friend--asked if I had time to visit for a minute.  Jane & I went over for a bit before school got out, and first--even though her youngest child is almost 18, she said how she kept thinking of how exhausted I must be, and how long things must be seeming--physically & mentally. She has thought often of staying willing to have more children even though it was so hard getting the two here they have.  She can imagine what it would be like though, and she has considered the difficulty at an older age.  It just meant a lot to be understood without having to even say anything! 

   Then she said she had thought of me when reading an Ensign article from Sheri Dew about being reminded of who we really are, AND our purpose being on the Earth at this specific time--even a line about the need for courageous parents/leaders to raise this chosen generation.  It was a good reminder, and I found the article later, and LOVED the principle that the Spirit REMINDS us of WHO WE REALLY ARE & WHO WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN.  

Here's an excerpt:

There is nothing more vital to our success and our happiness here than learning to hear the voice of the Spirit. It is the Spirit who reveals to us our identity—which isn’t just who we are but who we have always been. And that when we know, our lives take on a sense of purpose so stunning that we can never be the same again.

… Our spirits long for us to remember the truth about who we are, because the way we see ourselves, our sense of identity, affects everything we do. … It affects the very way we live our lives. So, today, I invite you to ponder in a new way not just who you are but who you have always been.

… Can you imagine that God, who knew us perfectly, reserved us to come now, when the stakes would be higher and the opposition more intense than ever? When He would need women who would help raise and lead a chosen generation in the most lethal spiritual environment? Can you imagine that He chose us because He knew we would be fearless in building Zion?

… Noble and great. Courageous and determined. Faithful and fearless. That is who you are, and that is who you have always been. Understanding that truth can change your life, because this knowledge carries a confidence that cannot be duplicated any other way.

… When you understand that you were chosen and reserved for now, and when you live in harmony with that mission, you’ll be happier than you have ever been before.

… God is our Father, and His Only Begotten Son is the Christ. May we rejoice in once again standing tall for the Savior and serving with valor and vigor in His vineyard. And may we be fearless in building up the Zion of our God—because we know who we are and who we have always been.

THEN, as often happens when there's a message I really need to hear, I heard the same principle AGAIN in a BYUI devotional I happened to be listening to, where the speaker shared his own, & Amulek's experiences of remembering who they really are.  He talked about Satan DISGUISING his true identity to get into the Garden of Eden, and his constant efforts to have US forget who we really are! THEN, he brought out the verse of "Now Let Us Rejoice"--(I LOVE that song AND we just sang it in church last week) where it says, 

"We'll love one another & never dissemble"--and I always thought "never dissemble" meant never have disunity; but he taught that the definition is ACTUALLY to "conceal or disguise one's true feelings or beliefs"!!!

After that boost, I woke up Friday, still feeling miserable, but SO FULL OF HOPE, and the sun even poked through the snowclouds for a minute.  Lucy DID have a fun birthday, we made it safely to the temple where the snow had stopped, and had a fun Valentine's spaghetti dinner as a family.  Friday night, Dad & I saw Tucker in a play down in SLC (fun to see Sarah & family), and had delicious subs at a meatball shop on the way.  Then Emily & I started prom dress shopping yesterday, which was a blast.  Love you so much, and love that we're able to stay connected as a family as you serve.  I loved that the focus of this new phone calling announcement is so that families can feel a part of that missionary effort.  Especially with the home-centered focus--it makes perfect sense to keep that sharing of spiritual growth, but no pressure to call for our sake--you know we're awkward in conversation, haha--whatever seems best for you week by week!

Anyway, on to the day to day: Dad's duct-taping his pant-hem for church today & Jane's trying to convince someone to make crepes while she tells us she can't walk because of a scratch on her leg.   Happy President's Day off tomorrow for everyone!

Love, Mom