Halloween Fun (and more!)

Though it was hard, in a lot of ways, to come home--it has been good to be a part of life again.  Brian was great to take the kids on a hayride to the pumpkin patch while I was gone, and the kids were great to help staple rubber bands to campaign flyers (6700 of them!!!!).

We spent what I was afraid was the last good-weathered Saturday putting flyers on doors throughout the city, but were blessed AGAIN, with good weather to allow for yard and garage cleaning work!

We enjoyed a nice FHE w/ Nate & Stacey & Dad & Kathy (who were in town for a couple of days), then carved pumpkins (okay, the kids and Brian carved pumpkins while I was writing thankyous), and enjoyed some school parading, class parties, and Trick-or-Treating that night.

We spent the next Saturday demolishing our yard (or so it seemed--looking like a tornado had gone through!--I only wish I'd done better w/ before and after pics!--though you can see from above pic how the bushes were blocking our path!)--Brian (and the boys) took a saw to some of our monster bushes, and we had 2 VERYFULL vanloads to the dump and 2 overflowing cans by the end!

I left that excitement as soon as I could pull away for Anne's first Suzuki Grand Concert, where I was SO grateful for the fact that even though we were late, we happened to get there just in time for her pieces (it never happens like that!)

The week I got home, I was able to be in time for concerts for Brent and Maddie in band and orchestra (respectively), as well as the 4 oldest playing in a Halloween Recital (which I left early from for Great Aunt Connie's viewing).

Then came Election Day, where we spent the afternoon and quickly freezing evening, holding signs on the corner for our favorite candidates! (I couldn't help but remember the last time we did it--during the Primaries--Dad was here helping!).  Brian felt like he had been able to accomplish a lot in the 2 years since his City Council appointment, and it was so hard to tell what his chances really were, especially with the weekly flyers coming in the mail from the opponents.  We were prepared for either outcome, but when it was a victory (as we found out during the campaigning party that night in the new mayor-elect's home), we were quite ecstatic!! Our favorite mayoral candidate (that we campaigned heavily with) won soundly, and though Brian came in a close 2nd--29% of the vote, and 31% to 1st place, for City Council, there were 2 seats to fill, and he will have one of them! Though we felt like we would be fine either way, after all of that campaigning effort (on the part of SO many!), it would have seemed so fruitless to end in a loss.  The best part is looking forward to the years of service ahead, where he will have MUCH different surroundings, and a GREAT absence of contention and negativity that have made things so challenging thus far.  HOORAY!!

Another few shots:
Emily and a scarf she knitted during General Conference (she's really put her looms to good use!)

We've woken up to snow a few times already, and even with just a skiff, all of the snow clothes are quickly donned---and I had to catch Spencer in this So-Screech-Like snowsuit that I found at DI last year, and that he LOVES, for not having to wear a coat w/ it :).

Next on the list comes Thanksgiving (at our house) and Baby (at our house too)!--so Brian was a great sport, after picking up campaign signs around town, to move the girls' bunkbeds downstairs so that their room can be the nursery again (no small feat, as those beds are SOLID!), and Brent, Maddie, and I pitched in to assemble Spencer's new loft bed to go over Brent's.  I'm so glad we did it with a few weeks left, as I forgot what an effort it can be shifting all of the clothes, etc. around! My midwife came for her "Home Visit" this week, and we were happy to find this little one head down :).  Such fun ahead.  It is nice, that no matter how inept I feel through pregnancy to add anything to my already bursting load, it does get to a point where you feel that ANYthing--including sleepless nights with a newborn MUST be easier than being THIS pregnant!

Tender Mercies Around Dad's Funeral (Part 2)

Even before we left the hospital, we started the funeral arrangements (or started supporting Mom, as she arranged everything!).
(in continuing the list of Tender Mercies):
7-Once we made the decision to stop the life support machines, we had just a couple of hours with Dad, which was a good amount of time without all of the beeping lights and monitors, but not so long that we were left not knowing how much longer to wait/stay
8-Even in a family as varied and big as ours, everyone felt good-and unified--about the decisions that had to be made--nurses commented later on how rare that is; such a blessing to be free from contention during an already difficult time
9-There was time enough to put the funeral together, without dragging out the preparations longer than necessary
10-small moments of humor, like a frozen in time funeral home out of the movies, working around Dad's "original" requests like no viewing, watching Pridays take pictures, and just being with 5 brothers!

10/16/2013

Dear Luvvies,

Here's a picture of a restaurant we had a quick lunch at today--called the "Red-Eyed Mule"-where the uncles had hamburgers with eggs on, and Grandma and I split one with cole slaw.  It was a hilariously cool place (with a garage door INside, and has been on TV, even though it's super tiny.  The other email is a picture of the sign that was outside --love the "ISH" Emily?!

We all went to the funeral home (think the movie Bernie, Brian) together this morning, to work out all of the details about the funeral, with a very Southern gentleman named Arlis :), who called Grandma "Miss Carolyn.  We got to have dinner with all of the family here at Grandma's, and then their Bishop came over to help plan the details of the program. 

Hope you all had a great day today! Love you tons! Love, Mom :)

Though exhausted by the time we got to the Visitation and Funeral, it really was such a lift to be surrounded by people who loved Dad (and us!).  I really did feel like all of the prayers in our behalf were physically tangible.  It was also tremendous for me, getting to hear all of my brothers--who incidentally, have grown into such great men (I can barely say the word "men", they have been "boys" for all of my life!)--speak and bear their pure testimonies.  I was so humbled by who they've all grown to become!
11-With aunts and uncles, siblings, and friends/teachers/neighbors surrounding us representing a span of over 30 years, Eternity seemed SO POSSIBLE and SO NEAR, as though time had frozen (or didn't matter) enough to allow so many worlds and times to intersect like that.  It was an amazing thing.
12-It was also comforting that Dad and Mom had been preparing for a mission, so that so much was already in order--in so many ways it feels just like his going on that mission--except that NONE of us were guessing right on his location!!

I did end up getting to spend my birthday in GA, and with dear friend Carrie Madsen close by, she (and team) treated us all to gourmet Chicken Cordon Bleu, garlic mashed potatoes, veggies, rolls, and gourmet chocolate cake--and I was sung to by more relatives/friends than I can remember in a long time.  Then, to come home to a new (to us) refrigerator, another week of dinners, family gifts, and lunch with friends--was quite a week of (almost surreal) celebration!

So, even though the plans were not ours, it is impossible to deny the Lord's hand in everything that our family went through that week.
13- Even the timing--with 3 grandchildren less than 2 months from being born--was a blessing.  (No one even questioned my ability to fly!)
14-Dad having spoken at a funeral just 2 weeks before, where he bore his testimony of the purpose of this life (and which notes he had left by the computer for all of us to see), but mostly,
15--just having a knowledge of the Plan--in reading Moroni 8 this week, I was struck by how many times the words, "Mercy, Charity, and Power" were used in reference to Christ and the Atonement--that even though it often makes NO logical sense, it is a plan of LOVE!

We sure do love our Dad/Grandpa, and from that week of witnesses to the Lord's plan for each of us, AND how close we are to the Spirit World, I feel more motivated than ever to always be and do my best, and to be a part of "Hastening the Work"(like Dad surely is) as much as possible.  The contrast of all that pain and frustration I felt before we went to the temple, and peace I felt afterwards, leaves me wanting to do whatever it takes to always have that Spirit with me, so as not to be left alone to that suffering again!

Tender Mercies Around Dad's Funeral (part 1)

There were a few reasons I could've come up with to fly out to GA last month:  my birthday, my 20 year High School Reunion, etc., etc., but I would not have planned on being there for my Dad's funeral! One more reminder that the only time the word "plan" is used in the scriptures is in reference to God's plan--our effort can only be to "prepare."

Three weeks ago, on Saturday, we got a text saying that Dad had been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance after falling down during yard work.  We knelt and prayed right away as a family, and waited for more information about what was going on.  I bounced between panic and questioning hope with so little information/understanding.  Right from the start though, there were so many blessings lining such a difficult experience, not all of which I'd ever be able to fully list:

Within a couple of hours (and a few texts), Robert called, and told me they were leaving from Missouri as soon as they got packed up.  We found a ticket for me to leave early the next morning, and I quickly got packed up myself, tried to spend a little time with the family, do a load or two of laundry, and be ready to go.

1-Robert's call, and medical training that understood more than I did, and that time was of the essence--in my own hopeful oblivion, I'm sure I would've waited longer, waiting for things to improve
 2-Being able to leave--at all, let alone in peace.  I normally get an ulcer (or in my case, usually, a UTI)--just from trying to leave the children overnight--this ticket was for 10 days, and never ONCE did I feel concerned about things at home.  From the brief arrangements we made before I left, and the huge offers of support and love I felt, I knew the family was in good hands

(I should number 3-103 in all of the meals, child watching, rides, house cleaning, laundry doing, flowers, cards, texts, calls emails, and messages from the angels that surround us here--it was truly overwhelming how quickly and generously people stepped in to help!!--what a newsprung desire my heart has to serve, now that I have felt such an impact from even the simplest things!--and that was just at my house--seeing the meals, baskets, babysitting, calls, and endless offers for so many details in Mom's ward was equally astounding!!-and such a gift, allowing for all of that family time without concern)

I tried to email home a bit to stay connected--here was my first:
10/13/2013
Dear Loves,
  How was church today?--Anne, do you have a new teacher since
Courtnee/Sister Hamilton is leaving on her mission?--do you have new
teachers yet Spencer & Lucy??--how was Maddie's violin song?--who
spoke today?--how were your lessons?(esp Dad)?

I sat next to a lady who is from Neenah, WI--where Grandpa M always
goes on trips to for work (& where we almost moved when I was 14)--she
was in Utah for a big Zima conference--Zima us a SUPERdrink like
vitamins, & she was so excited to tell me all about it, so I told her
we were so excited about General Conference last weekend :).
The Chicago airport is really fancy!-they have a huge dinosaur
skeleton, & a children's museum (which I didn't have time to see--it
would much better with children anyway!).

I'm anxious to be at the hospital with Grandpa-- they should start
warming his body back up when I get there, so hopefully he will be
able to keep breathing on his own.  So many people are praying for him
--it makes me feel like we are being wrapped in threads of strength
and faith and love from all of the cousins, aunts, & uncles, & dear
friends.  I love you!! Have fun playing games together & maybe you
could call Grandma Stewart today.  Love, Mom/ Char :)


P.S.I meant to ask-Brent--how was your first time preparing the
sacrament?--& did u play for priesthood today?--& Emily--don't forget
to tell Dad about the Daddy-Daughter costume party--I'll bet he wants
to be a wand again :)
Love, Mom
After being there for a day, and getting used to the new surroundings of the hospital, and trying to get sleep at home w/ Mom, what we were really facing started to sink in.  Again, 

4-Medical knowledge of so much of the family, being able to decipher all of the terminology and monitors, and just varying information from shift changes, etc. to keep us all on the same page instead of in confusion.  

5-Technology:  allowing us a way to preserve every chance at Dad's life, and to keep us all in touch--even with far away aunts and uncles, ALL of which (at least direct siblings, and most spouses) were able to make arrangements to be there
  
10/15/2013
 Dear Ones,
This morning, Grandma and all of us children are going to the temple.
Grandpa LOVES the temple, & we know he would love us to be there.  It
will be nice to be in a place where we can be reminded of how eternal
our family is, and where Heaven does not feel so far away.
Yesterday, we were all (the adults) at the hospital the whole
day--staying with Grandpa, talking to all of the doctors (there are a
lot--one for his lungs, one for his heart, & one for his brain), &
visiting with lots of people that love Grandpa, & came to visit and
share love.
It is so nice to be reminded of what great person Grandpa is by all
the people who love him so much.  After Grandpa's body was warmed up,
he could breathe a little by himself--open his eyes when he was
startled, and had a little bit of reflex, but he can't really wake up
or see us, so the doctors let us know he probably would not ever be
able to wake back up.  We are still waiting this last day just to make
sure, but the doctors have also told us his heart is getting weaker,
so it is hard to try and keep it working.  If he has not gotten any
better today, we will as a family, let his poor body relax, and stop
the machines that are trying to help him stay alive.  It is very hard
to think of Grandpa not being with us, but it is so good to be
together as a family and feel stronger together.  Last night, Aunt
Katie brought her ukelele to the hospital to sing songs for Grandpa.
I'll try and send a video of her singing.  I played the videos of Anne
& Lucy singing for Grandpa too.  The cousins all wish you were here.
Sister Madsen brought a huge basket of snacks for us at the hospital
and made a wonderful dinner for the family last night.  Then she came
and watched the cousins while we were all at the hospital.  Love you
so much!! Thanks for letting Mom be here and being such great
helpers!! family is the best!! Love, Mom/Char

6-The temple
It was really hard for me to start to let go of the hope that Dad would get better, and as I got used to that reality, I felt a lot of heaviness and anger.  I knew that eternally everything would work out fine, and that we could see him again, etc., etc., but I wasn't IN eternity, and I told Mom as we got out of the car in the parking lot, that even though my head knows about the Plan, and understands everything would be okay, it really stunk right now.  The pain of dealing with today (and the next and the next) was really overbearing, but as we finished the session, and went into the Celestial Room with all of that family, that burden was literally lifted.  I was overwhelmed with peace, and with love from God.  It suddenly made more sense, that more than a Plan of scheduling or arranging, this really all was a plan of LOVE, from a God that loves us in a way to more than make up for all of pain and struggles and holes in our lives.  It was SUCH relief, and I'm so grateful we had that chance to be there in the middle of things.  I was crying as we left, but I said, "Since I cry when I'm happy, and cry when I'm sad, I am SO confused with these tears right now! (probably how my children always feel)."

10/16/2013
Dear Ones, We decided as a family yesterday to turn off the life support machines
for Grandpa.  We all loved being able to go to the temple together
yesterday morning.  I had been feeling so sad and upset, and the
temple really reminded me of God's love for us, & helped me to feel
peaceful and okay about not seeing Grandpa for so long.  It is such a
blessing!
It has also been a great blessing to have Uncle Robert here since he
is practicing to be the kind of Dr. that was over Grandpa's care.  He
understood just what was happening, & made it so much easier for us to
know what to do, & everything that was happening with Grandpa.  After
they turned off the machines, they gave Grandpa medicine that would
help him not have any pain, & to relax, & Grandma & all of the adults
were able to be in the room with him for the last couple of hours he
was alive.  We could smile and cry remembering how much we love him.
All 5 uncles stood in a circle around Grandpa giving him a blessing
helping his Spirit to move on to the next life, & we also sang a lot
of hymns and Primary songs together to him.  It was a very peaceful
time, and even though we REALLY wanted Grandpa to be with us for a lot
longer,   we are so glad to understand Heavenly Father's Plan, & that
we really CAN be together forever! Love you so much!! Thanks again and
again for all of your sweet help!  It has meant so much to me to be
able to be here at such an important time with my Mom and brothers!
Have a great last day of school for this week (sorry no fall break
Honey!)--& tell all of the ward thank you a LOT for all of the food
and help!! Another great blessing has been feeling SOMUCH love from so
many people in all of our wards and families.   You can see a picture
of all of us (smiling!) at the temple in the email from Grandma or
Uncle Briant. Lots of Love,
Mom/ Char