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I've been praying for Brian so much with all of these health issues/low energy, trying to know what my role is, and what I should do. His UTI came back again this week (!!)--though he knew enough to catch it early, and wasn't much of a bump in the road.
Some (or most) weeks, my emotions are just wobbly, and I just really struggle to know if I'm going the right direction when there are SO many good options, (and I feel like I can barely get the basics done). Also, I have so many good ambitions and ideas for self-improvement, but then Seth cries or needs a diaper, or kids need rides or help with homework, & I know I'm worse if I start seeing everyone as interruptions, so I struggle daily with these half-baked efforts and attempts.
We're looking at refinancing the house, and I love doing the research and finding the best quotes, but it took me 5 days before I could sit down for any chunk of time to even look at things, so I often wonder how to find any purpose in life beyond keeping children alive! (which I know is a good purpose!)
Anyway, in one of these moments of trying to balance, and trying to talk myself into self-mercy for not doing a more thorough job at something, I just felt the comforting message:
"God knows you, & He is directing your path."
It just helped me calm down and feel patient. AND THEN,
I had a second (kind of "therefore") impression that "God knows Brian and He is directing his path."
So I felt okay again just doing what I could do.--And I will steal from Mom's letter this week, because this message from Elder Uchtdorf is still so reassuring--not just that we're like seeds that sometimes need to be buried for growth to occur, but that...
"God has revealed and will continue to reveal His almighty hand. The day will come when we will look back and know that during this time of adversity, God was helping us to find better ways—His ways—to build His kingdom on a firm foundation...As an Apostle of the Lord, I invite and bless you to “cheerfully do all things that lie in [your] power; and then may [you] stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.”11 And I promise that the Lord will cause unimaginable things to come from your righteous labors. "
Also, great fun celebrating birthday this week! We celebrated at Pres Mtg (and rode home w/ my balloon bouquet), enjoyed chats w/ friends/family members, Brent & Breely came over for joint Birthday time with Breely--she even came to our neighborhood RS walk and Brian made some baclava for my birthday cake!!! Mom took me to lunch on Wed, and Brian & I went out to dinner last night, so I really stretched it out! We had Anne's last game of the season in the CHILLY cold!!--Mom was so sweet to join us for a final victory and very winning season! Anne's team has been a class act, and great chance for her to grow. Spencer had fun at Girls Choice last night, even though the dance got cut short b/c of kids breaking social distancing rules. Lucy had a Halloween party yesterday, and Anne's got one planned for Sat (pray for me!), so lots more fun and spooky celebrating this week!
Love to you all, Mom, Charlotte
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