Boy, was I ready for the solace and hope of General Conference this week!
Last Sunday was full and amazing having everyone up to bless little Thomas James, but between my own hormones and recovering from Brian's sickness week, I was sad not to be more energetically present! There was a minute it was happiness and overwhelmedness all mixed together. I was just so worn out, and with Brian always feeling worn out, and then being so close to my daughter caring for that newborn, which is one of the most exhausting things on earth, it was just almost too much! I wanted to be there for our parents and my own baby and children, and my husband, and help alleviate sweet Maddie in some way, and I was just so empty! Some days I wonder how much I'm messing up with all these lives I feel responsible for & how little I feel able to do. But Maddie & Brian don't seem stressed--even when sleep-deprived--and their little family is so overflowing with love, that it was a gift to share their great day together.
In daily life, Anne's had a few more soccer games, (even after a teammate tested positive for Covid!), Emily started a new job @ the Alumni house, Brent's looking for a new job, and Spencer has moved up to Supervisor on Saturdays! We had zoom parent teacher conferences for Spencer, & I got to have lunch with 2 dear Syracuse friends: Ann Anderton & Becky Morrill on Tuesday, which was solace for my soul after those heavy days! Also had a good ministering visit with LaVonna this week, and enjoyed getting (mostly) ready for family to join us for Conference. Jane is loving (me) reading all the fun first grade books like Junie B Jones & Magic Treehouse before bed (while Lucy gives me hope as she really does read--eating up Mysterious Benedict Society right now). I was also glad to have a couple of days at home this week to get wash, lawn, & budget done. Seth surprises us every day with new tricks he's learned--this week, he climbed up onto the trampoline while I thought he was picking raspberries with me! I love watching him grow. He's so little, and having him be independent seems miles away (after having everyone mostly in that stage before he got here!), but he also changes SO FAST, so it reminds me to be patient for him to grow up AND for me to grow (or anyone else I'm frustrated with).
I had listened to a number of good podcasts this week on race, and was feeling the heaviness from that sorrow as we went into Conference, so I was so grateful for the repeated messages of love and attention to that pain. I also felt so much stronger listening to SO many reminders of the need and refining nature of adversity in our lives (though once it was over and everyone went home, I felt a bit weak and lonely again!). I also ate up all the talk of being a Zion people after the ridiculous debate Tuesday, and the general flood of contention we seem to be bathing in. There is beauty in dichotomy, I guess. Just like the Beatitudes that Jesus taught of being BLESSED in mourning and persecution and hunger, etc--which seems the OPPOSITE of blessed--the contention in the world helps us yearn for peace; health feels twice as good after struggling through illness, & having days of depression and discouragement make light and peace all the more precious. The difficult awful things do bring us to Christ, and I keep trying to believe like Elder Holland reminded, that they ARE for our good, but some days it's sure easier to accept than others! But this from Elder Uchtdorf:
"In a way, we are seeds. And for seeds to reach their potential, they must be buried before they can sprout. It is my witness that though at times we may feel buried by the trials of life or surrounded by emotional darkness, the love of God and the blessings of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ will bring something UNIMAGINABLE to spring forth."
Have a great week looking out for those unimaginable joys! Love, Charlotte/Mom
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