11/15/20

 That verse in Ether where the Brother of Jared asks, "Wilt thou suffer that we shall cross this great water in darkness?"(2:22)  is something I feel all the time.  There can be a lot of darkness on some days, and I so often cannot see how this path I'm on is supposed to be a good one.  But just like God was in the the wind sending the Jaredites TOWARDS their promised lands, and just like He touched those little best effort stones, I know, and try to remember Christ is guiding me, darkness and all.  As we were reading Monday, we concluded that God will MEET US and LEAD US (1:42-43) if we turn to Him.  It doesn't mean we won't be buried in the sea or be chastened for hours, but we'll be going in the right direction and we won't be alone.  

Last Sunday night, I had about had it.  There seemed to be endless things to do, it was our lonely week to not be at church, and after the whole weekend cooped up with the family, I felt like everyone would rather watch football or play games than do any blessed thing, and I was the crazy one trying accomplish anything ever.  I felt like so many efforts were wasted and hollow. The girls were bickering and adamant about all unfairnesses, Seth was in a clingy cold, and I was slipping into depression and discouragement. Again.  As we finally sat down to eat, Lucy slipped me this note. She not only shared an answer to prayer she had had (when she is normally so reluctant to share very much), she thanked me for starting the day off so positive when everyone else was grumpy, and how much it helped her to cheer up.

I'd totally forgotten that I'd even had a good morning! I had started with good efforts, and gotten worn out. It didn't solve every problem, but it sure was a glimmer of light in my darkness that day, and a reminder that even when my efforts seem fruitless, the trying counts!

 And now I'm getting ready to drive Mom back to GA.  I can't BELIEVE it's already been a year since she started her mission here! I've been sad more than once that my life's not been in a more stable place while she's been here, to better be able to support/be with her--hoping one day I'll be "adult" enough to begin to pay back all she's done for me! It was a darkness to me that I wasn't in a better serving place.  As chaotic as my life has remained, I just realized this last week that had Mom NOT been on this mission this year, I may very well not have seen her at all! What a light it has been, when so much has been stuck this year, to be stuck together! I'm SO grateful, that even though things didn't look a thing like anyone had planned, that we had each other in such "buried" times!

And actually, it's beginning to feel like things are settling down a bit.  At least I've had enough time to think about cleaning out drawers and closets! And in our last week of warmth, I dug out old bushes, trimmed raspberries, cleaned the garage & garden area, and even got up on the roof with our new ladder to brush out the dryer vent and repair Christmas lights.  Utah has shut down most non-essential activities, so our nights have become filled with more family time again.  The kids have done tons of sliding down the stairs on an old crib mattress and playing a non-virtual version of "Among Us" that has us finding random "task cards" taped around the house like "stack the blocks" or "make the bed."  Seth has finally mastered stairs, and still loves going outside, even in below freezing temps.  And as much as I was dreading cold weather, the coziness of turning on the fire and mugs of cocoa is making things bearable.  SO excited to see so much family over the next couple of weeks with this trip east, and then the holidays.  Love to you all!, Charlotte/Mom

Maddie and Tommy wrap

chubby Tommy fix

Anne as tall as Grandma before she left?!

time to take the gate down!